Question: I get into conflicts with a lot of people at work. Sometimes it’s very silly. I feel some days I give a lot of negativity. When others react to me, I get hurt very easily.
Answer: You start getting negative, then they react, then you feel hurt. It seems you start the process of being negative.
You have understood a good insight. Then it can be dropped, there is no problem. It is very difficult to drop it when you think that they start it; then you cannot do anything. That’s what everybody goes on doing—throwing responsibility on the other. Then you are helpless, because it is up to them whether they stop or not. But your insight is perfectly true. You are honest, and you have seen the point that you start it, they react, then you feel hurt.
Just see the point that your negativity is your negativity. They should not be victims, they don’t create it in any way. You should not let your steam off on them, because they are innocent, they have not done anything to you. That’s why they react, and when they react it hurts—not because they react, it hurts because you started the process. If you want flowers to shower on you, present flowers to people. If you want to abuse, then abuse them. They always return the same. This is the law of life.
One must remember that the people who are associates at work are not at all concerned with your inner life. That is your work to do. They have their own inner life to work out. They have their negative moods, they have their personal problems, anxieties, just as you have. But when you are working with somebody you need not bring that in, because if they start bringing in all their negativities and you start bringing in all your negativities, it will be a non-ending process. One simply must see it.
Once in a while, it is good to call whosoever is working with you and ask them if you have been negative to them, if they are feeling hurt.