Watch how many things you do during the day are dependent on how you imagine the other sees you: your husband, your friend, your child, your cousin, your aunt, your boss, the secretary or whoever. You imagine how they are going to look at you and, as a result, you mould yourself accordingly. If you depend on the look of the other, inwardly you will always feel fear. You want to please the other so that they continue to see you as you want.
Because of the dependence that we have on the other to appreciate us, value us and not to reject us, we want to please them. If, in spite of doing everything possible, they do not appreciate us or are not happy, how do we feel? Cheated. After having done everything out of wanting to please them! Inside, you want to please them because you want them to keep on loving you, or you don’t want them to sack you from your job, or you are afraid of being different or not being accepted. That kind of dependency takes us away from our true authenticity. If you look at yourself well, in the end, others will look at you well and the one who does not look at you well will perhaps teach you something, but your value and self-esteem do not depend on the look of the other. In this state, you are open because you trust yourself and you have personal security.
The other entity can also be the Supreme Soul (God). We are afraid that God might judge us for being sinners or not. If I think God looks at me with that vision of whether I am a sinner, whether I am this or something else, I distance myself from Him. A judge like that does not help me to live with wholeness. In general, in society, there has been a distancing from the relationship and experience with God, because we have learned that He is a strict being and a judge. Actually, God is love; God looks at me well and sees my potential and my beauty (which reflects His), God embraces me and, in this embrace, He frees me: He does not allow me to depend on Him?