Many of us remember the shock we felt when, in 2015, acclaimed Bollywood actor Deepika Padukone came forward and publicly spoke about her battle with clinical depression. For countless young girls and aspiring actors, Padukone is someone who symbolises grace, strength and success. A successful model and a movie star with film credits in both Bollywood and Hollywood, everything seemed hunky dory for the young actor from afar. So, it was startling to hear that someone who seemed to have it all was silently struggling behind the scenes.
Padukone also threw light on a common misconception, of sadness and depression being the same thing. She explained, “Being sad and being depressed are two different things. Also, people going through depression don’t look so, while someone sad will look sad. The most common reaction is, ‘How can you be depressed? You have everything going for you. You are the supposed number one heroine and have a plush home, car, movies… What else do you want?’”
Indeed, being sad is temporary and something we all experience occasionally. But depression goes much deeper and may not have any outward signs. It can affect anyone regardless of their success. According to the World Health Organisation (WHO), depression affects more than 5% of adults across the world. In India, 1 in 20 people experience depression, a staggering number that shows how common yet often invisible this condition really is. This makes it all the more important for us to pay close attention to the emotional wellbeing of our families, friends and those we love. Remember, just because someone looks fine doesn’t mean they aren’t hurting.
The International Day of Families, observed each year on May 15th, was proclaimed by the United Nations in 1993 to emphasise on the importance of the family unit as the foundation of our emotional and social wellbeing. This day is an opportunity to reflect on the role our families play in nurturing our mental wellbeing. It makes people aware of the need to stand by their dear ones at all times. On this important day, join us as we explore how to support a family member dealing with depression.
Shaheen Bhatt, sister of Indian actor Alia Bhatt, in an interview, has spoken about how her family has been a great support system in her battle with mental health. “My father has never made me feel like there’s anything wrong with me. I have a sister who supports me and she is always there to talk. I have great friends. They have been a pillar in the background while I figure out what I’m dealing with on a daily basis,” she said.
Indeed, one of the most powerful things we can do for a loved one with depression is to simply listen without offering any solutions or trying to fix how they feel. People with depression often feel the need for someone to simply hear them out without judgement. Sometimes, well intended advice like asking someone to try and think positive, telling them to get out there or simply take ownership can feel dismissive to them.
Research also lauds the role of family support in dealing with depression. A 2018 study published in the Journal Depression and Anxiety found that people who received emotional support, like having someone to talk to, felt less lonely and hopeful over time. Giving emotional support like simply listening with empathy has been observed to significantly reduce feelings of loneliness and hopelessness in such people.
Sometimes the most meaningful support comes not from words, but by one’s presence. When a loved one is going through depression, they may not always want to talk, but having a dear one next to them can bring comfort. Things like just sitting with them while watching a show, sharing a meal or conversing about little things can indeed do wonders for the mental health of a person dealing with depression.
In a study published in Social Cognitive and Affective Neuroscience, researchers found that people who were silently accompanied by someone they trusted during times of emotional distress showed reduced brain activity linked to stress and anxiety. This goes to prove that even silent support can have a calming effect on your loved ones who are struggling. Being present can reassure your dear one that they are cared for.
Depression doesn’t always look the way we imagine. It’s not just about tears or staying in bed all day. Sometimes it hides behind a smile and a busy routine. A person can seem to be perfectly fine on the outside while struggling within. This is why it is important to understand the real signs of depression. In the book The Noonday Demon: An Atlas of Depression, author Andrew Solomon writes, “The opposite of depression is not happiness, but vitality.” It tells us that depression doesn’t often manifest as sadness, but as a deep numbness or loss of interest in life. So, it is important to watch out for signs that imply such numbness.
If a dear one becomes more withdrawn, sleeps too much, too little, is seemingly irritated, is losing interest in things they enjoyed, then it can be all be signs that they are struggling. By learning what depression really looks like, one can help better.
When someone you love is dealing with depression, it’s natural to want to help them get better quickly. You might feel the urge to push them to see a therapist or take steps right away, but it’s important to approach this subject gently. Encouragement works better than pressure when tackling any kind of mental health ailment—so, letting loved ones know that seeking help is a sign of strength and not weakness can motivate them to do what’s best.
American singer Demi Lovato has often spoken about how having supportive conversations helped her seek treatment eventually. “Asking for help is not a sign of weakness. It’s a sign of strength,” she said in an interview. In fact, being patient is essential. By simply being there, a loved one can plant a seed of hope, that help is available.
Supporting someone with depression can be emotionally draining. Over time, it might become easy to forget one’s own needs in the process. But as the old saying goes, one can’t pour from an empty cup—so learn to take care of yourself before caring for someone you know who is struggling. In between caregiving, make time to rest, talk to someone and do things that bring peace and joy.
When one is emotionally balanced, they are more capable of offering support towards the mental wellbeing of their loved ones. As Dr Kristin, associate professor, University of Texas, explains, “Self-compassion is simply giving the same kindness to ourselves that we would give to others.” In fact, we must treat ourselves with the same compassion and love that we tend to offer someone we care about.
So, while depression is an invisible battle for people living with it and especially for those who get to see it from the sidelines, understanding, showing empathy and patience can be of great significance. Whether it’s listening without judgement, sitting quietly or doing small acts of care, everything adds to the process of healing.
To offer mental health support to a loved one, look for changes in their mood, sleep, appetite, energy and interest in activities. If any of these last more than two weeks, seek help for them and try to suggest meeting with an expert.
Don’t pressure them and continue offering support and understanding.
Depression doesn’t always show on the outside. Many people who appear fine, struggle silently.
Avoid saying things like “just cheer up,” “it’s all in your head,” or “others have it worse.” These statements can feel dismissive.
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