Not just kids, moms feel it too! Here’s how mothers can manage separation anxiety with care

Many of us have seen it: little children crying when they are separated from their mothers on the first day of school. Tiny hands clinging tightly to their mom’s clothes, eyes filled with tears, begging not to be left behind. The school gate feels like a giant wall, and the thought of being away from home is just too much to handle. The mothers then reassure their little ones, saying things like, “I’ll be right here when you come back,” before walking away. But while most of us see the child sobbing, we don’t realise that it’s just as hard for the mother.

British-Canadian YouTuber and content creator Emily Norris has shared her experience with extreme anxiety after becoming a mother. From the very day her son was born, she began to feel intense worry and fear whenever she was separated from him, even for a moment. Emily explained how she would feel anxious when he was not in her sight, and panic would set in. Clearly, it’s not easy for mothers either.

Separation anxiety in moms is the emotional stress or worry a mother feels when she has to be away from her child. It can happen when a child starts school, daycare or even when the mom returns to work after her maternity leave. Although it’s normal to miss one’s child, separation anxiety goes deeper; it can cause feelings of guilt, sadness and even fear of being apart. Moms might constantly worry about their child’s wellbeing and feel guilty and unsure if they are doing the right thing by leaving them.

According to research published in The National Library of Medicine, mothers can experience separation anxiety just as deeply as children. It’s a real and valid emotional response that is more common than we actually think. So, join us as we explore how to manage separation anxiety in moms with care and compassion.

Validating the emotion

The first step towards managing separation anxiety is accepting that our feelings are completely normal. Becoming a mother brings powerful emotions, and the bond between a mother and child is incredibly strong. Feeling anxious when we are away from our child doesn’t make us overprotective or weak, it means we care deeply. Instead of judging ourself, it can be useful to remember that millions of mothers feel the same way, and it’s okay to need time to adjust.

Even celebrities who seem to have it all go through these emotions. American actress Reese Witherspoon once opened up about how emotional and difficult it was for her when her daughter Ava left for college. Though her child was older, the core feeling of separation remained the same. In fact, mothers of all ages and backgrounds can experience this sense of loss and worry.

Maternal separation anxiety is common and can include feelings of sadness and guilt. New moms must note that they aren’t being emotional, they are just being human when they worry about their children.

Starting with small breaks

If being away from one’s child feels overwhelming, it’s important to start taking small breaks. One should try leaving the child with a trusted friend or a family member while they step out for a short walk or run a quick errand. At first, those few minutes might feel difficult, but with time, they can begin to feel more at ease. Slowly but steadily, increasing the time apart can help both the mom and child to adjust in a healthy way.

Dr. Sarah Mundy, an English clinical psychologist, has spoken about how separation is often harder for mothers than children. While children are usually quick to settle in once engaged, moms tend to carry emotional weight longer, worrying about how their child is without them. That’s why taking small steps is helpful. It builds confidence, helps new moms trust others and also reassures them that their child is safe, even if they are not around.