India was six runs away from winning the finals when all my friends started to cheer loudly in anticipation. In just a few minutes, the whole house erupted in joy as India won the match. We were laughing, hugging each other and being joyous, celebrating the win like it was our own. A few photos and videos were taken too. However, just when a friend was about to post some photos on social media, she felt her mood fade. Almost like air whooshing out of the lungs, she felt guilt from nowhere.
When I asked, she said it felt wrong to be happy when the world outside was facing war and strife. This happiness not only felt like it was unearned, but it also made her feel like something bad would soon follow. A long conversation later, I began to understand why she felt this way — since she could recall, she had felt inadequate as a child; something the adults in her family had unwittingly passed on to her. She learned to chase perfection and admonish herself for what did not meet certain standards. She learned to constantly lived under the stress of potential failure or threat. Happiness as an idea scared her.
With mental health occupying a key place in the health conversation today, we understand that to experience and sustain joy and positive emotions, regulation of the nervous system is essential because hypervigilance or constant monitoring for danger keeps the nervous system from experiencing rest or joy. People who have lived through trauma, big or small, difficult childhood or prolonged stress, often see joy as a threat. Their brains become hardwired to first scan for danger or trouble and that activates the sympathetic nervous system, also called the ‘fight or flight’ mode. Adrenaline and cortisol, the stress hormones in the body increase, and prepare the body for survival instead of rest and connection. While the survival mode is great for emergency situations, it cannot be the default state of the body. If this happens as a pattern, the body keeps responding to everything as unsafe, even when nothing is happening and there is no real threat.
The good news is that nervous system regulation is achievable. If you or someone you know is living like this, know that regulating the nervous system is the way forward. The first step, however, is to acknowledge the problem. Healing follows.
So while we are here, let’s explore together ways to regulate the nervous system and to feel joy in the present moment.
A realistic way to move from survival mode is to do a few simple things every day. Longer breaths, especially longer exhales bring the nervous system into instant safety. Breathe in for 4 seconds and exhale for 6 seconds. Doing this for two to three minutes a couple of times a day, can support a calmer functioning of the nervous system. When done daily, it can teach the body a whole new way of being.
Another way to regulate the nervous system is by practising diaphragmatic breathing. Place one hand on the chest and the other on the belly. Then, inhale through the nose and allow the belly to rise. Next, exhale really slow (for 6 to 8 seconds) and let the belly fall. This practise done daily can calm the fight or flight response that may have become the default mode for the body.
If you have been dealing with such dysregulation for a while, you might also be able to tell the ways in which such a feeling rises up in the body. Does watching the news trigger you? Alarming news and stressful situations that are reported can activate ‘the fight or flight’ mode. The threat or consequence may feel personal, leading to increased stress and even chronic fatigue if exposed for a longer time. For many, doomscrolling on Instagram has a similar response. For some, being around toxic situations triggers a threat response, keeping them on high alert.
For different people, triggers may be different but the response of the nervous system can be the same. The nervous system goes into survival mode causing emotional numbness or hypervigilance. Understanding the triggers that set us off, minimising them while also understanding the root cause is an effective way to calm your system and live with reduced stress.
Breaking free from survival mode and being happy often means investing slowly but steadily in small actionable steps. One such easy-to-do pro tip is creating micro-moments of safety. For instance, listening to a favourite song as mindfully as you can; drinking a cup of hot beverage slowly, with no distractions; taking a walk outside with no agenda; eating a whole fruit under the sun or in cool breeze. All these micro-moments train the nervous system to feel safe by teaching you to consciously take a pause and feel the calm around.
Over time, these micro-moments teach the body to accept being content and calm as the only right way to be. Tiny daily practices help to mindfully move away from stress.
Often, we subject ourselves to negative self-talk. While the criticism may arise from a current situation or trigger, its roots lie in older patterns, in trauma stored in the body, and it can impact life in the long run.
Grounding techniques come in handy to break such cycles and retraining your body to find its way to a healthier reset. This is how you can practise grounding yourself when self-doubt thought loops get triggered — try naming 5 things you can see, 4 things you can feel, 3 things you can hear, 2 things you can smell and 1 thing you can taste. If this technique is followed with diligence, it can ‘ground’ you in the present moment, taking you away from irrational thoughts of critical self-talk.
Movement has the power to waive off stress in the body. So, if you feel stress or anxiety peaking within, get up and stretch. You can go for a short walk, play music or even swing and dance to a favourite song for a few minutes. Doing any kind of physical activity releases endorphins, which are natural painkillers and mood boosters. Further, investing in exercising daily and not only when stress occurs, has the potential to reduce chronic cortisol and adrenaline levels, thus teaching the body to reduce stress in the long run and bringing the internal system to safety.
A regulated nervous system is essential to longevity and health. So, train your body to become calm when in stress. The path to unbridled joy and happiness may be a long one, but it is possible to get there, one actionable step at a time.
A dysregulated nervous system causes the body’s stress response system to stay on high alert, even with no imminent threat.
There are many symptoms like feeling anxious, moody, indecisive, sleepy, emotionally numb, dizzy and overwhelmed that can point to a dysregulated nervous system. If you feel a sense of urgency, panic or are unable to work, delegate and plan for a while, it can be an imbalanced nervous system.
The ‘fight or flight’ mode in the body doesn’t let you experience joy wholly. The stress hormones increase, forcing you into survival mode, when you either go numb or hypervigilant.
Childhood trauma, unhealed nervous system, repetitive emotional triggers, prolonged stress are all reasons behind a dysregulated nervous system.
Identify your triggers and understand them, address them by finding their roots, practise grounding techniques, consult a trauma healing expert for help and follow a routine that supports self-care.
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