In the hit Hollywood film, The Devil Wears Prada, Miranda Priestly is the ice-cold boss who never spares a word more than necessary. She is the kind of boss who can make even the most confident employee nervous. And then there is Andy Sachs, a young woman completely new to the cutthroat world of fashion. From the very beginning, Andy finds herself constantly critiqued by Priestly—she tears down her clothes, her attitude and her lack of knowledge. Nothing seems to satisfy Andy’s boss. Her comments feel like daggers. Andy sulks, cries and at one point, even breaks down, asking in frustration, “Why does she hate me?” It is perhaps one of the best films to understand how feedback can feel painfully personal.
Many of us, like Andy, ask this internal question when faced with tough feedback. We don’t just hear words; we twist them into something bigger and assume the worst. “My boss hates me, I am not good enough and maybe I should just quit” is the inner monologue most of us tend to have.
But in the movie, there’s a great plot twist. Andy doesn’t quit. She decides to stop seeing Priestly’s criticisms as a personal attack and instead treats them as a challenge. She sharpens her skills, studies the industry and grows into someone her boss cannot ignore. What started as crushing criticism became the fuel for Andy’s transformation.
In real life too, we can do this. For instance, when the boss says, “This could have been better,” most of us immediately assume the worst. We spiral into self-doubt and start thinking we are failing, that people do not like us and that we are not good at our job. We rarely pause to see feedback for what it really is—an opportunity to improve. However, just like Andy, we all have a choice.
Organisational psychologist and best-selling author Dr Adam Grant has spoken about this subject extensively. He states how it’s important to receive feedback with purpose and to view it as a chance to improve ourselves. When we stop taking feedback as a personal attack and start seeing it as useful information, everything shifts. Growth begins the moment we choose to listen, learn and adapt instead of defending and doubting. So, let’s explore a few healthy ways to respond to feedback and grow from it.
“What kind of a report is this? What have you done!”
Picture yourself in a situation like this. You may have worked hard for weeks and yet, when you submit the report, it doesn’t meet the requirements. So, your boss calls you and says that it isn’t good. The first thing one might do after hearing this feedback is defend themselves.
The ego wants to prove that we are right, so it tends to justify our actions. But the healthier thing to do is to pause and take a breath. Instead of jumping into a defensive mode, we must give ourself the time to absorb what was told or explained to us. By pausing, we give our brain the space to process and respond thoughtfully. Research from Harvard Medical School shows that taking a few deep breaths activates the parasympathetic nervous system, which helps calm the body’s fight or flight response. Not reacting immediately gives us the time to stay grounded, instead of being hijacked by emotions. Later, when we finally take action, it is sound and effective.
Feedback can feel personal when we see it as a reflection of our worth. We must use it as a tool to help us grow.
Pause and take a breath. Give yourself a moment to process the information calmly before reacting.
Try to focus on what is being said rather than who is saying it or how it’s delivered.
Ask for specific examples so you can understand the concern better. If you still feel it’s unfair, take time to reflect before responding or taking any action.
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