When we think about strong, positive influences in our lives, we often picture our fathers or brothers. The men who guide and support us, who inspire confidence in us, offer us wisdom and show us what strength really looks like. For many among us, male colleagues, mentors and teachers have played a great role too. We have seen them as pillars of courage, always calm, capable and in control. However, that might not be the full picture.
Behind that visible strength is an invisible pressure that a lot of men struggle with. Our society is built in a manner that teaches men to stay tough, to hold their emotions in and to keep going no matter how heavy it sometimes gets. This constant appearance of strength can cause extreme stress and take a serious toll on both their mental and physical health. In fact, studies show that chronic stress raises cortisol, the stress hormone, in men. This can increase the risk of heart diseases, high blood pressure, sleep related problems and even depression in many. Over time, such an imbalance can hamper one’s mental and physical wellbeing. So, it is important to understand that we need to look within and work on ourselves for stress management.
More often than not, we cannot exercise control on what happens outside or around us. The American director and producer Andrew Bernstein puts it succinctly, “The truth is that stress doesn’t come from your boss, your kids, your spouse, traffic jams, health challenges, or other circumstances. It comes from your thoughts about your circumstances.” In this quote, Bernstein emphasises on how we often attribute stress to various external forces, but tend to forget that we have the tools to tackle it and keep it at bay because stress starts with our mind and with how we perceive challenges. By simply identifying stress, managing our thoughts and making conscious choices, we can effectively take charge of our wellbeing.
So, let’s explore a few simple ways in which men can tackle stress.
Surely, we have all heard this many times in our life – boys don’t cry, real men don’t cry, men are tough, men don’t need emotions. Such conditioning has been passed down for generations and has shaped how many men tend to deal with their feelings. But the truth is far from this. Men are just as human as the next person. And constantly pretending to be strong can do more harm than good. Bottling up all that stress doesn’t make it disappear, it only builds pressure inside until it starts affecting one’s health, mood and relationships. To be conditioned to be strong and deal with it no matter what tends to make things worse. So, the first step to manage stress is to acknowledge it.
We must begin by paying attention to our body – are the shoulders tight, is fatigue, irritability or restlessness happening frequently? Instead of ignoring these signs, we must take a minute to pause and analyse our stress patterns. As American author Cameron Conaway says, “Ultimate vulnerability. That’s manly.” Real strength lies not in hiding one’s pain but by having the courage to face it, acknowledge it. So, by accepting the presence of stress, we can begin to let go of it and make space for healing.
In the hit Bollywood film Dev D, the heartbroken hero turns to heavy drinking and chain smoking after his romantic relationship ends – a scene many of us have watched or even related to. In fact, countless films show people finding temporary comfort in unhealthy habits when stress takes over. However, this might as well be termed as a trap. When pain or pressure feels unbearable, lighting a cigarette or pouring a drink can seem like an easy escape. But while these habits offer momentary relief, they actually make things worse. In fact, alcohol, nicotine and junk food increase cortisol, a hormone that keeps the body stuck in a cycle of anxiety and fatigue.
What can be done instead is that men can learn to channel their energy into habits that actually help in the healing process. Taking a brisk walk, slow breaths, listening to music or going to the gym are several ways to beat stress in a healthy, non-destructive manner.
Society conditions and teaches men to hide their emotions, which leads to stress build up. But this can affect their mental health and physical wellbeing.
Warning signs include irritability, fatigue, troubled sleeping, headaches, muscle tension and loss of focus. Cortisol and stress go hand in hand, so watch out for these signs to know if stress has taken over.
Stress raises cortisol levels, which can lead to high blood pressure, risk of heart diseases, weight gain and lower testosterone levels.
To lower cortisol levels, talk to someone you trust, exercise regularly and get enough sleep. Meditation can help lower cortisol levels too.
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