Where there is spiritual love, we see each other as souls and remember God, the Father of all souls. But when love is without spiritual awareness, there are expectations, and they bring sorrow. Expectations even break relationships, because of, “I didn’t know you were like this,” “I didn’t expect this from you”, and so on.
Where love is spiritual, we do not focus on the other person’s defects. We may be aware of the defects, but we share love unconditionally so that the other person is able to overcome their weaknesses.
Gossiping about someone’s weaknesses can cause a lot of hurt even if there is love in the relationship. Spirituality teaches us to be kind, loving and sweet. If we are sweet, we remain happy and share that happiness with others. One sign of true love is that you do not want to see anyone unhappy.
When we remember that we are souls, children of God, we can begin to experience a relationship with Him and feel His love, care and protection. This experience starts a healing process that removes feelings of hurt that have sometimes been carried since childhood.
People live with a lot of sorrow, some of which has gone deep inside them. But once you start seeing yourself as a child of God and experience His love, you gradually forget those sorrows. It is like getting a new life, a new childhood, where nothing is lacking because you get more than you expect.
God sees in you greatness that you cannot see yourself. This gives a boost to your confidence and self-esteem.
Children run to their parents when they face something they cannot deal with. Just as we have physical parents, God is the parent of the soul, so one can turn to Him in any difficulty and experience His help. But this will happen only when you have developed a loveful relationship with Him.
We also have a habit of carrying responsibilities and feeling burdened by them: “I have children, I have to take care of them”. Children do not fret like this. When we consider ourselves to be children of God and give our worries to Him, we can be carefree and at the same time learn from our experience of God’s help.
God takes away our grief and teaches us not to give sorrow to anyone, but many people are in the habit of taking sorrow.
Someone criticises you and you get upset. That person may have criticised you just once, but you think about it again and again, upsetting yourself each time. So, who upset you more, you or the other person? The more you think about such things, the more the sorrow multiplies, and in this way, we hurt ourselves the most.
This is why it is important to forgive and forget. By this we are not doing the other person a favour; we are being merciful to the self. When I do not like something, why do I have to hold on to it by thinking about it again and again?
So, divine love, forgiveness and discipline in my thoughts, enable healing to take place. This liberates me from past hurts and frees me from the habit of taking sorrow from circumstances or other people’s behaviour.
I decide the quality of my relationships
Living a successful life means having good relationships. Success in relationships depends on our character, which determines how I think, speak and act. If I am rude to someone, it is not because of something wrong in the other person, but due to a flaw within me.
Do I expect people to behave the way I want and everything to be according to my wishes? “I am the eldest (or most senior), so it should be as I say”, or “I deserve respect” – what do these thoughts indicate?
Expecting obedience or respect is just another way of begging. These expectations stem from ego. If we have made ourselves worthy of respect, we will get it without asking.
Do icons or idols in temples expect respect, or anything at all? They are inanimate, but they are revered for the virtues they represent. The faithful worship them and make extravagant offerings before them.
The moment I start expecting anything from others, problems will begin in my relationships. On the other hand, if I am humble and minimise my expectations, I will become a giver. The two qualities are inversely proportional – the fewer my expectations, the more I will give – whether it is good wishes, cooperation or material help.
My relationships will then be naturally sweet. The more you expect from people, the more people will avoid you; the more you give, the more others will be drawn towards you.
It is not about giving money or things – we can at least smile at others and lift their spirits. How often do we smile without others smiling first? Some people scowl just to keep others at bay.
Happiness is an innate quality of the human soul, but we suppress it under various pressures or from selfish motives. What does a smile cost? It is such an easy thing to do to make others happy.
Another quality that sustains relationships is trust, which is based on honesty. If I lie and deceive others, how can there be any trust? In the absence of honesty and trust, there will be no real love, either.
Since relationships begin with the self, I have to be honest, trusting and loving if I want others to be that way. I need to be honest, even if others are not, because that is being true to my own beliefs. The integrity of that behaviour will be noticed and often inspire others to manage their lives in that way too.
After the self come the people I am connected to, and my tasks – in that order. But what do I value? Getting my way, even at the expense of others?
When I cherish my relationships, I will maintain them at any cost. Some people claim that circumstances compel them to disregard their relationships. There is no such thing as compulsion; we always have a choice and our choices indicate what we hold dear.
When I stay happy and maintain cheerful relations with everyone, I will be rewarded with a contented life.
If a family member who cooks my meals is angry because of me, what feelings will go into their cooking, and how good will that food be for me?
Making small sacrifices for the sake of others is worth it, because ultimately it benefits everyone, including me.
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