Finding someone worth keeping in your life and holding on to that commitment no matter what the circumstance is easy by no means. Sometimes it takes multiple heartbreaks, unending life lessons and long, tedious years. Considering the theory that there is someone made for everyone, you may find someone worth going the extra mile for. However, there’s a catch. They don’t live in the same city or sometimes even country or continent as you. You can’t see them when you have the urge to, feel their physical presence around you when you crave it or share everyday dating experiences. But that does not go on to mean that the intensity of your emotions or the passion has to be any less. If anything, a long distance relationship, when it is between two people who want to make it work and stay true to one another, is even stronger than the bond shared by couples who are around each other all the time.
You know as they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. So, if you have, in fact, signed up for a long distance relationship, be prepared for spells when you will miss them with every fiber of your being and want nothing more than to see and hold them close. The trick is to find mechanisms and exercises to not get bogged down by the miles that separate you. Focus instead on the happy times you have shared and will continue to have when they come visiting. Give yourself things to look forward to and find activities that do not necessitate physical meetings. Let your mind let go of the cons of this arrangement and list the reasons why you are grateful to be sharing your life with them.
When the two of you are navigating particularly rough phases and doubts start to arise on whether or not the relationship will survive the mounting challenges, find comfort in the fact that there are no statistics that say that long distance relationships are doomed to eventually come to a close. At Soulveda has come up with some ways for you to stay emotionally tight even when you are hundreds or thousands of miles away from your partner. Read on to find out.
Communicate a lot
It bears saying that there’s no alternative to healthy, free-flowing conversations in a committed relationship. For people of few words, who live among us, there’s no other way around this either; even if you are not much of a talker, you have to find other ways of letting your partner know how you are feeling. Bottling up feelings and thoughts invariably leads to outbursts that can’t be controlled. This can worsen a situation that probably wasn’t that challenging to begin with.
The thing about long distance relationships is that you might also find yourselves living in different time zones. In such situations, the key is to draw up and stick to a routine. This means discussing and agreeing upon the time frames that work for you in terms of video calls, texting and visiting each other. However, as important as a routine is in these relationships, it is also essential to being open to letting your partner alter them when unforeseen disruptions come up.
Be with them emotionally
When in a long distance relationship, one may have to miss some important events and milestones in their partner’s life. The vice versa is also true. These special dates can be anything from birthdays and anniversaries to graduations and promotions. It is not always possible to drop everything and be by their side on these noteworthy occasions. But there is such a thing as being there in spirit. What one can’t say to them through a celebratory hug, can be conveyed through gestures from a hundred miles away but with the intensity to really touch them. If one really knows their partner, this should not be a tall ask at all.
Make an effort to remember their milestone days and treat it as a special one for you too. Send out good thoughts their way, let them know how proud you are of them and share how much their presence in your life means to you. This is guaranteed to make your partner feel like you are right there with them even when you are really not.
Remember what brought you together
As is human nature, once we achieve our goals, sometimes we tend to forget to be appreciative of what it took to get there. Similar dynamics often play out in relationships. The same person that we had jumped through hoops trying to win over, tends to appear more and more ordinary in our eyes by the day. Not being able to see each other for a long time, possibly feel like the relationship does not have the same sparkle that used to light one’s heart up once upon a time.
When we find these negative feelings trying to play a number on us, it is helpful to remember the reasons that drew us to our partner in the first place – the virtues, idiosyncrasies and quirks that made them special in our eyes. Verbal assurances are a wonderful way to communicate to one’s romantic partner that nothing has really changed and that we still see them and feel for them the same way. When the distance really gets to us on the harder days, focusing on them can really make one feel better.
Accept the reason for the distance
Whether it is your job causing the long distance or your partner’s, if the two of you have collectively decided to go that way, there must have been a solid reason, a reason that ultimately promises a better life for the both of you.
Sometimes wanting to spend all our time with each other is not enough, life comes in the way. With it, come the many practical obligations we have to measure up to and that are simply unavoidable. While things would have been infinitely easier and more enjoyable if we did not have to navigate this distance, the faster we come to terms with the old saying, ‘it is what it is’ the easier it is to get a move on with our lives.
Thus, it is crucial to respect the reason that was important enough for you to decide on the long distance relationship. Vulnerability may make the arrangement difficult on multiple occasions, but never let these moments trigger you into taking rash decisions that disrupt the years of progress you have made across other fronts.
Worlds where you meet
Hope makes everything easier and better. That’s why it is non-negotiable that you give yourself and your relationship a reason to be hopeful. In your heart, you both must know that this will not be the state of affairs forever. As partners, the two of you should always work together as a team when it comes to deciding on long-term goals and the future you envision.
When in a long distance relationship with a person you feel you will go the extra mile for, it is not enough to make plans to visit each other every now and then. Sooner or later, the two of you will have to sit down and think of a time, circumstance and location where the two of you can live together again. Keep in mind that this is not a plan to be drawn up lightly.
Both futures and the fate of the relationship depend on this plan; carefully consider careers, preferences and choices before arriving at a timeframe or a geographic location for the eventual union. Ensure that it is a win-win for both and that no one has to make disproportionate compromises. Additionally, don’t forget to factor in a dollop of ad-hoc disruptions and contingencies that may throw off the plan at time. Having this plan is not only the light at the end of what may seem like a dark, harrowing tunnel, but it is also constant motivation to work your way out of that tunnel.
Long distance relationships can be a bittersweet cocktail to have in one’s life, but the key ingredient is staying emotionally connected and knowing that a happily ever after awaits the romance.
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