loneliness in marriage

Feeling lonely in your marriage? Here’s how you can deal with it

Here are a few ways how you can overcome loneliness in marriage and forge an enriching bond that will last a lifetime.
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Nisha and Rajesh have been married for a decade. Despite spending such a long time, they still feel a gaping void in their lives. They live under the same roof but are emotionally apart. They hardly spend time with each other. They are still a couple but their hearts and minds are not intertwined anymore.

We have all heard the adage, marriages are made in heaven. But finding the elixir of marital bliss does require effort. Benjamin Franklin once said, “marriage is the most natural state of man, and… the state in which you will find solid happiness.” But true happiness in a marriage can only be attained when both partners invest the time and effort into creating a lasting, symbiotic bond. When you hear stories of couples who have been happily married for decades, you may believe that they were lucky. But, in reality, luck isn’t the foundation of a successful marriage.

When married couples don’t invest enough time in building an emotional connection, don’t spend quality time with each other, or have compatibility issues, loneliness can creep into their marriage. It may sound like an oxymoron but loneliness in marriage is a real phenomenon. Social media can also make couples feel lonely, especially when they compare their relationships with those on their feeds. Just physically being around someone doesn’t necessarily mean it can remove the feelings of loneliness. Moreover, if partners are emotionally detached from each other, that can also cause this issue.

Here are a few ways how you can overcome loneliness in marriage and forge an enriching bond that will last a lifetime.

Communicate more

Lack of communication is one of the biggest reasons why couples can feel lonely in a marriage. Oftentimes, either or both partners get too busy with their professional lives and don’t communicate enough. If your marriage turns into a monotonous, routine affair after some years, that may be due to a lack of emotional availability. That can be fixed by expressing your feelings more openly. Open-ended communication between a husband and wife is crucial to counter loneliness in marriage. Express those three magical words more often. Not just that, be more open about any difficult feelings or concerns openly and tactfully. When you communicate openly and respectfully, that can help resolve any issues that may have crept into your marriage.

Plan for date nights

When was the last time you went out on a date with your spouse? Date nights are as important in a marriage as in the courtship period. A study has shown that date nights are likely to boost and strengthen marriages. Spending quality time together at least once a week will also lower the chances of divorce, the study further states. When you experience marital loneliness, make an effort to spend more time together. Rekindle your romance by going for date nights to your favourite restaurants, watch a movie at the cinema, attend a concert or any other meaningful activity that can help build intimacy in your relationship.

Take up shared hobbies

One of the most effective ways to avoid feeling lonely in a marriage is doing fun-filled activities together. This will also help you both unwind from your hectic schedules. You can brainstorm ideas for things you both can do and share your interests with each other. If you both are nature lovers, you may plan a hike at a scenic spot. Or, if you are music aficionados, you may take up music classes during the weekend. No matter what the hobby, use it as an opportunity to know your partner better and build a stronger connection.

Understand each other’s perspectives

Couples can experience loneliness in a marriage due to a lack of perspective sharing. Although marriage is a communion of two people, they are still individuals who may have their own unique outlook towards life. It’s alright if two people have different opinions about certain things. Instead of using these differences as fuel for conflict, try to understand each other’s perspectives by having a healthy dialogue. Talk about your joys and your worries, your beliefs and your fears. The more you share your perspectives openly, the better your chances of overcoming marital loneliness.

Do small things that matter

It’s often the little things that matter the most. The same is also true for a marriage. You may buy expensive gifts or bouquets for your partner, but how often do you express gratitude and appreciation for each other? Or, how often do you help out in domestic chores or activities that you typically don’t do? When this goes missing, couples may feel lonely in a marriage. The secret to a healthy marriage lies in doing small, yet important things for each other and being appreciative of each other. According to a study, “people who are more appreciative of their partners report being more responsive to their partners’ needs, and are more committed and more likely to remain in their relationships over time.”

Seek out a therapist

A professional couples’ therapist can help overcome loneliness in marriage by building a better understanding between partners. A couples’ therapist acts as a guide who can navigate you through the root causes of loneliness in your marriage and suggests effective solutions to overcome it. Since everyone’s situation is unique, a couples’ therapist may chalk up a therapy treatment plan as per your needs. Keep in mind that therapy can work effectively only when both partners commit to be an equal part of it and make a conscious effort to work out their differences.

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