‘Real men don’t cry,’ goes the adage. And as is expected of them, even if men well up at a funeral or shed an inconspicuous tear when they are distraught, they are quick to regain composure. Researches too find that men cry significantly lesser than women. Statistical data published by the US-based Statistic Brain Research Institute reveals that women weep at least five times more than men on average.
Agreed. Men do not cry as much as women. But why? “Crying only makes us look vulnerable and incapable,” says Suresh R, a software professional. Ask Balaji Subramanian, a marketing professional, and he says, “I do not cry in public or in front of my friends. It is embarrassing.” Clearly, men find it difficult to express their emotions freely. Most probably feel anxious about how they might be perceived by others. After all, men have long been conditioned by society to think that crying is a display of weakness.
Warwick University’s History Professor Bernard Capp sheds light on how this social conditioning came to be. In a university article, he writes how the very idea of ‘how a man should behave‘ has undergone changes. He explains that over centuries, societal response to a man’s tears has altered widely owing to cultural shifts. And he further explains that there is historical evidence to suggest that no one viewed crying as a matter of shame up until the 14th century.
For instance, in the 4th century autobiographical book The Confessions of St Augustine, the theologian St Augustine of Hippo writes of sobbing uncontrollably. Similarly, in a famous letter which Monk Jerome wrote to St Julia Eustochium, he mentions being ‘drenched with tears’ on at least eight occasions. In fact, weeping was so prevalent amongst saints that crying became a central part of worship! Tears represented piety, sincerity, and repentance.
Taking examples from ancient literature, Professor Capp also points out how several protagonists not only got teary, but literally wept. The 8th century Greek epic Iliad by Homer mentions the legendary king Odysseus weeping on several occasions for his home, friends and family. Despite getting emotional, Odysseus was seen as a hero by ancient Greeks. The Tale of Heike, a Japanese epic written towards the end of the 12th century AD, portrays several men crying on various occasions. Remarkably, they do not bother to hide their tears. As the tale goes, these men cry with their heads held high. In fact, this piece of writing is known to have portrayed ‘the ideal behaviour of a samurai’.
Mary Chelladurai
on November 23, 2017 at 1:58 pmThis article is well researched and gives a chorological evidence of Tears and men. Let me pen my views on the same
Is crying natural? Why is there a gender angle to this? We often say masculine men or strong men seldom cry….. Are we not conditioning an emotional outlet of pain, grief or sorrow, is this good for men’s physical well-being. We as parents discourage our boys to cry, When they cry, we hurt and tease them by saying that they are ‘sissy’s’. . In India our social conditioning says ” do not trust men who cry and a women who laughs” This is baseless, yet many of us are soaked in this baseless thoughts. Looking at public tears of world leaders like Abraham Lincoln and the present leaders, The world acknowledges that tears speak of sincerity, integrity and honesty but at home this reads differently. Let us all join hands to allow men to be human and let them cry when they want to and not live in suppression of emotions leading to physical and psychological impairments. Mary Chelladurai