‘Real men don’t cry,’ goes the adage. And as is expected of them, even if men well up at a funeral, or shed an inconspicuous tear or two when they are distraught, they quickly regain composure. Researches too find that men cry significantly lesser than women. Statistical data published by the US-based Statistic Brain Research Institute reveals that women weep at least five times more than men on average.
Agreed. Men do not cry as much as women. But why? “Crying only makes us look vulnerable and incapable,” says Suresh R, a software professional. Ask Balaji Subramanian, a marketing professional, and he says, “I do not cry in public or in front of my friends. It is embarrassing.” Clearly, men find it difficult to express their emotions freely. Most probably feel anxious about how they might be perceived by others. After all, men have long been conditioned by society to think that crying is a display of weakness.
Warwick University’s History Professor Bernard Capp sheds light on how this social conditioning came to be. In a university article, he writes how the very idea of ‘how a man should behave‘ has undergone changes. He explains that over centuries, societal response to a man’s tears has altered widely owing to cultural shifts. And he further explains that there are historical evidences which suggest no one viewed tears as a thing of shame up until the 14th century.
For instance, in the 4th century autobiographical book The Confessions of St Augustine, the theologian St Augustine of Hippo writes of sobbing uncontrollably. Similarly, in a famous letter which Monk Jerome wrote to St Julia Eustochium, he mentions being ‘drenched with tears’ on at least eight occasions. In fact, weeping was so prevalent amongst saints that crying became a central part of worship! Tears represented piety, sincerity, and repentance.
Taking examples from ancient literature, Professor Capp also points out how several protagonists not only got teary, but literally wept. The 8th century epic Greek poem Iliad, by Homer, mentions the legendary king Odysseus weeping on several occasions for his home, friends and family. Despite getting emotional, Odysseus was seen as an exemplary hero by ancient Greeks. The Tale of Heike, a Japanese epic written towards the end of the 12th century AD, portrays several men crying on various occasions. Remarkably, they do not bother to hide their tears. As the tale goes, these men cry with their heads held high. In fact, this piece of writing is known to have portrayed ‘the ideal behaviour of a samurai’.
In all possibility, centuries of social conditioning resulted in the stoic males of the 20th century. Men who cried were perceived as weak or even effeminate.