If you set high standards for yourself yet constantly fear failure or berate yourself for not performing as per your lofty expectations, then you could be a maladaptive perfectionist. It’s the all-or-nothing mentality that creates the insatiable urge to achieve perfection, something that doesn’t exist. According to Psychology Today, “Maladaptive perfectionism is often driven by fear of failure, feelings of unworthiness, low self-esteem, and adverse childhood experiences. It is frequently accompanied by depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, and even suicidal impulses.”
Maladaptive perfectionists worry about achieving superhuman standards to the point they may procrastinate for hours. Only to create something that could meet their unrealistic expectations. Moreover, their fear of failure makes them dread learning new things or taking on challenges that could help them steer forward in life. They neither accept their failures nor recognise their flaws. All they want to do is to impress others with their perfectionist avatar, which only lead them to disastrous consequences such as mental health disorders.
Numerous studies have demonstrated the ill effects of maladaptive perfectionism, which has been “strongly associated with higher levels of depressive symptoms.” If you are facing difficulties due to this negative form of perfectionism, here are a few ways you can overcome it.
Eliminate negative self-talk
Does your inner voice constantly chide you for not being perfect enough? It’s time to silence it by changing your focus to positive self-affirmations. When that negative voice replays a past mistake and makes you feel awful, remind yourself that failures are a part and parcel of life. Everyone, including some of the world’s most successful people, experienced failures. But they used them as opportunities for growth. When the inner voice begins to rear its ugly head, try to pause for a moment, and take deep breaths. You can try to meditate to calm your mind and stop the negative self-talk.
Indulge in positive activities
Listen to cheerful music, go out for a walk, exercise or meet a close friend who brings a smile to your face. Positive activities can help counter unhealthy, negative perfectionism, which makes you focus only on failure or unworthiness. When you surround yourself with positive activities, it helps you feel relaxed and comfortable. You gain a semblance of inner peace and understand the importance of the little joys of life, which you may have neglected in your pursuit of unhealthy perfectionism.
Practice self-compassion
Self-compassion is the act of being kind towards yourself. When you set unrealistic expectations, you tend to dwell too much on self-criticism, which will never let you reach your goals. If you truly want to achieve success in your pursuits, develop inner harmony and peace. Self-compassion is not akin to self-pity. It helps you healthily relate with yourself wherein you accept your mistakes and shortcomings instead of indulging in self-flagellation.
Remove the all-or-nothing mindset
This is a dangerous and destructive habit, which makes you look at life in extremes. Either you deem yourself a total failure or a success. Such binary evaluation can cause major obstacles in your life and prevent you from climbing the ladder of success. You can work on overcoming this unhealthy pursuit of perfectionism by developing acceptance and moving beyond the binaries.
Maladaptive perfectionism is characterized by setting unreasonably high and unattainable standards and following an all-or-nothing mentality. It is driven by fear of failure, feelings of unworthiness, and low self-esteem. This form of perfectionism can lead to depression, anxiety, obsessive-compulsive disorder, eating disorders, and even suicidal impulses.
By embracing the little joys in life, one can counter the negative aspects of perfectionism and cultivate a healthier mindset.
Journaling helps in acknowledging and processing thoughts, ultimately helping individuals overcome unhealthy perfectionism.
If individuals find it challenging to cope with maladaptive perfectionism on their own or if it significantly affects their well-being and daily life, seeking professional help is advisable.
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