Have an honest heart-to-heart conversation
Any relationship is built on the foundation of trust. Unfortunately, trust is fragile. Something as simple as a white lie can jeopardise trust and relationships. Honesty is hence paramount in relationships, more so, while salvaging one. Chances are, the more one has honest heart-to-heart conversations, the more they will understand each other better and even find solutions to current problems.
Writes Darlene Lancer, a certified marriage and family therapist, in her blog To Trust or Mistrust, honesty does not simply mean not lying. Keeping secrets, withholding information and withholding feelings—negative ones especially—are forms of dishonesty as well. And since deceptions invariably have a way of coming to light, they end up affecting the relationship. As she puts it, “It requires courage to be vulnerable and authentic.” But, developing the courage, to be honest in relationships can be well worth it.
Dare to face the truth
During the initial days of dating, the partner almost always seems flawless. But over time, their quirks can become annoying. So, one tries to change the partner either through coercion or manipulation. However, despite consistent efforts, partners seldom change. Only, the relationship turns sour—one develops disrespect towards the partner (and vice versa), and inadvertently ends up creating an emotional distance.
However, should one wish to salvage the relationship, there’s only one option: accept the partner for who they are with all their quirks and flaws. Clinical psychiatrist Dr Rick Hanson talks about the power of acceptance in one of his podcasts. According to him, acceptance is not succumbing to the other person’s flaws, it is not giving in or surrendering. Instead, acceptance is an empowering process which allows us to face what’s true. And, by learning to see things for what they are, we become better at dealing with problematic situations. However, if one continues to expect that the partner will someday change, the more they’re setting themselves up for disappointments.
Make some concessions
Many of us dread the idea of suddenly becoming single after being in a relationship for a while. Out of this fear, we often tend to do anything and everything to save the relationship. Of course, compromise is the grease which helps run a relationship wheel smoothly. Especially, when a relationship is suffering, one needs to practice give and take. But it doesn’t mean that we bend over backward either. If we give up our identity, morals, values, and beliefs in the name of compromise, the relationship is bound to go south in the long run. So negotiate and make some concessions but don’t compromise.
As Dr Danielle Dowling advises in her blog How much should you compromise to fix relationship problems? “The only change they need to make (that any of us need to make) is to be more authentically ourselves [sic]. Now that doesn’t mean you’ll never have to make another compromise. But it does mean that you should never abandon yourself to please another.”