“A perfect marriage is just two imperfect people who refuse to give up on each other.” This quote succinctly summarizes the holy union of two different personas entering a lifelong journey. It may not be a cakewalk but with a sustained will and effort, a happy married life can be a joyous reality.
Marriage is one of the most important relationships for a grown up adult as they navigate the course of life with a partner. People come from different backgrounds, conditionings and value systems and a successful marriage demands accepting and adjusting to each other’s ways. This can happen only when an understanding mindset is developed by both partners.
With stress and anxiety increasingly effecting relationships across the world, it has become even more relevant to undertake the journey of marriage mindfully. Life throws challenges at every stage and issues often wear out the joy and bonhomie. It is important to remember that apart from the fun and reverie that one wants out of togetherness, a happy married life also demands the determined resolve to cross various hurdles together.
Two adults can disagree over mundane daily chores or even life changing decisions. But it’s important to listen, practice patience and take breaks to face challenges together. A strong will to make it work can make a huge difference in accepting the partner, paving way for a content married bond.
Soulveda shares some time-tested methods that help marriages succeed.
Communicate well
Even after staying together for years, it seems difficult to understand certain situations and their impact on one’s partner. Being able to express one’s deepest thoughts and feelings with one’s partner can be a true catalyst in a successful marriage.
Our own conditioning is such that we presume the responses of our partner instead of allowing them to communicate. Lack of communication and presumptions eventually snowball into huge arguments. Such arguments pile up as unpleasant memories if not resolved soon.
What also matters is the tone of communication. A harsh or blunt way of putting across your perspective may not be the best approach. Instead, an a reassuring and empathetic way of talking will garner a more understanding response.
When we stay with someone 24×7, an honest communication helps address situations best. Whether you want to share news, views or simply vulnerable feelings, a successful marriage must have space for mature and honest conversations.
Respect and appreciate
A happy married life calls for mutual respect and appreciation. Most marriages tend to fall apart when partners start taking each other for granted. So a constant endeavour should be to treat one’s partner with due respect.
To ensure happiness and joy out of a relationship, consistent appreciation is essential. When you acknowledge a small or big achievement, it goes a long way in boosting your partner’s morale. Funnily, we tend to shy away from saying a ‘thank you’ to our partner while we show gratitude to others and do so generously.
Make it a habit to appreciate your partner whenever there is an opportunity or say sorry when wrong. Nothing is more magical and motivating than a sincere word or gratitude for the little things that partners do for each other.
Joint decision making
Marriage lays the foundation for building a family which in turn builds a society. Married couples also need physical and financial sustenance and there are many decisions they take related to the daily functioning of a house.
For a happily married life, joint decision making is essential. To minimize chaos and ambiguity, couples must decide clearly where they need to take joint decisions and which areas can be handled independently. Major decisions impacting the family should be thoroughly discussed and unanimously accepted. This helps minimize conflict when both the partners are equally responsible and aware of the outcome. Remember, as a family, the choices you make impact the well-being of both, you as well as your marriage.
Practice patience in moments of disagreement
No matter how old or new your marriage is, it feels like a new beginning each day. It could be full of opportunities to realize, mend, relive or refocus.
Like any other relationship, marriages too must weather many storms thrown at it and this could disrupt peace and bring moments of disagreements. When you experience an escalation of conflicting views, patience is your best bet.
In fact, to avoid a disagreement from becoming a spat, one must either withdraw or simply listen. Just giving some more time to a simmering situation in a marriage can have effective and positive results; while the harmony will remain intact, frayed tempers will cool. This means a healthy discussion can be conducted instead of further anger and resentment.
Take breaks to rejuvenate
Married life is not only about beating challenges together, couples need to rejuvenate and let their hair down too. This means that both individuals should not just be completing tasks as a team but also be spending quality time together.
It may look like a daunting task, given our hectic lifestyles, but it’s actually a fairly simple practice to start. One can begin by keeping his or her mobile phone away and connecting with the other or by watching a movie while the kids are tucked in. The daily stress can be reduced by regularly planning date nights, relishing favourite meals or long drives. If time and budget permit, couples can even take short vacations or breaks that refresh and rejuvenate, bringing the old spark back.
Happy ‘you’ contributes to happy ‘us’
Remember to put a little focus on yourself to give back abundantly. A marriage is between two souls, but each individual is equally important. Always remember that you need to be physically, mentally and spiritually fit to give back love and care.
Only someone brimming with optimism and love can share it with the other person. Self-care and growth of each partner is important for a happy married life. And there should be no guilt attached to taking time out for oneself.
So learn to take care of yourself while remaining committed and dutiful in a marriage. Work on your health, fulfill your dreams and passions in order to traverse the path of marriage in a healthy manner. Because when you are happy and contended, it reflects in your marriage too.
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