As far as conditions for socialising go, being in hermit mode after a long tiring day is not a favourable one. Despite that–after being subjected to a dose of vigorous insistence–I found myself heading to a pub with a friend to spend a Saturday evening with her friends.
Sitting at one corner of a big square table surrounded by unknown faces, I put on my confident party face and made it through the night by sipping my drink, enjoying the music, fidgeting with my phone, making small conversations and smiling occasionally.
The next day my friend told me the popular opinion of me was of a snob.
A few months later, I bumped into one of the faces from that evening. We got talking and after 10 minutes of what can only be referred to as a very amicable conversation, I was told I definitely did not seem like a snob.
The label never bothered me but what really disturbed me was the fact that people were so quick to label a stranger they knew nothing about. That evening at the pub and the next time when I bumped into the person were not all that different. But while I was the same person, his perception of me had changed–probably because my impression of him had changed too.
This incident taught me that perceptions can be altered by impressions.
Judging is a natural impulse that takes over the moment people interact. And though it may not be ideal, it is human. What immediately ensues is acting on the said judgements. Leaving an impression and forming a perception happen almost simultaneously.
It is only human to be affected by the wrong perceptions of us. And so, to find more about the impressions that were being formed about me, I decided to delve into the things we do and how they are perceived.
Going back to the evening at the pub, I remember people talking but don’t really recall what they were talking about. Lost in the music, I was in a world of my own. I never participated in the conversations. Even when I looked at somebody as they talked, I wasn’t really listening. And because I wasn’t listening, I wasn’t responding.
In hindsight, I realise that people enjoy the company of those who pay attention. We take an immediate liking to those who are genuinely interested in what we have to say.
Impressions and perceptions are being formed every second.
Active listening shows genuine interest in others and helps foster positive connections with people.
Open and confident body language, such as maintaining good posture and being attentive, makes a person more approachable.
Initiating appropriate physical contacts, such as a handshake or a gentle pat on the back, can help create a sense of comfort and break the ice in social interactions.
No, it is not necessary to change who we are.
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