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Walking the road

Walking the road to closure

Are you in pain? Don’t look around for an answer. Try some self-analysis. Perhaps the answer is within.

Everyone has baggage. It could be the loss of a loved one, betrayal, heartbreak, or trauma. While most of us struggle with our emotional issues, we sometimes dwell on it for so long that it begins to define us. We no longer know what life would be without it. But there are a few who pick up their baggage and stroll leisurely through life.

So, what is it that these people seem to have and you don’t? The answer is quite simple—closure.

Closure means letting go of something that once was. Most people can’t get over pain, though it has nothing to do with its intensity. It is the way we treat it. Denying its existence does more damage than good, pretending to be strong doesn’t help either, and feeling sorry for ourselves is the worst thing to do. When we resort to measures like these, the pain doesn’t stop; it gets better for the time being, and then without warning, returns with a vengeance.

Closure is a point that has to be reached. So, let’s take it step-by-step.

Unpack the emotional baggage

“Some people believe holding on and hanging in there are signs of great strength. However, there are times when it takes much more strength to know when to let go and then do it.” – Ann Landers, American columnist.

Acceptance is the biggest and most crucial part of getting rid of your baggage. Stop denying what happened. It could be embarrassing, awkward, or hurtful; but once you say it out loud, you will feel better. The longer you wait, the more baggage you accumulate. But, once you accept something, you are no longer attached or clouded by that emotion. So, remove the positive and negative and try to view it from a pragmatic perspective. And once you feel you have rid yourself of the baggage, you maintain it. You continually work to prevent accumulating baggage again.

Even if they don’t work out the way you thought they would, you will still learn something new and valuable from every part you execute.

Don’t suppress emotions

Never suppress your emotions, instead, manage them. If you want to cry, then cry. You want to scream, then scream. Take your own time. Don’t let anyone tell you to “just get over it” and rush things. There is no set amount of time and no prescribed way to deal with a loss; it is advisable to take plenty of time. However, do not get stuck in the past that the grieving goes on for years.

Incomplete grieving may contribute to poor decision-making in the future. The ability to trust, to be honest, and to be yourself is essential for a new, healthier relationship or situation to present itself to you. All past feelings and emotions should be dealt with, expressed, and must be resolved before you move on.

Write down what you feel, your diary will not judge you. Talk to someone you can trust, don’t hold yourself back from discussing your emotions with family, friends, or a professional. Chose expressing over suppressing, the difference will show.

Make a plan

You need to devise a plan for the present and future. But don’t just talk and plan, create a plan, a routine that gives you happiness and pushes you to get up and work on it. Determine what is most important to you, moving forward. Then, reorder your priorities, explore different opportunities. Get involved in something you believe in–start painting, make music, join dance classes, or start a venture–do what makes you happy. Don’t hold yourself back, plan away to your heart’s content. Even if they don’t work out the way you thought they would, you will still learn something new and valuable from every part you execute.

Don’t stop living

“It isn’t what you have or who you are or where you are or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.” Dale Carnegie

Finding closure means a complete acceptance of everything that has happened, the good and the bad, and then honouring the transition from what was to something that will be. You should talk to yourself, you can help yourself the best. In your conversation with yourself, both ask and answer in this self-dialogue. Whatever is revealed, take note.

But, on your path to closure. Don’t stop being you and doing things that you always did. Keep doing what you’re doing, especially if it gives you joy, but in the background, in your mind—wait. Time heals the deepest of wounds. Scars will remain but the pain will dull over time.

Well, that’s that. And just in case nothing works, remember these three words ‘Everything is temporary’.


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