That supreme truth, the self that you seek, is beyond the understanding of the ordinary modes of linear thinking. You try again, harder and harder. You become desperate and there is depression. The Upanishadic way of solving this problem, whatever it is, is to forget about this problem for the time being. Let the problem go to hell. Drop the problem, saying, “I am not going to think of this anymore” and then go for a retreat for a day or two, away from your normal circumstances. Forget all about the problem, say, “Maybe I won’t find it, it doesn’t matter but I am not going to go into that thing called depression. Well, I’ll think about it some other time, but now I am going to let my mind rest because there is no other way this can be sorted out.”
So, I go away to a beautiful place—like a wooded estate or somewhere where there is fresh air and simple and nutritious food to eat. Where I can go for long walks among the trees and watch the squirrels trying to steal nuts and hear the birds in the morning, chirping their morning songs and just do nothing but sit quietly under a tree, enjoying the scene.