First entry: Her prince charming
She met him at a music concert in the city. He was with his friends and she with hers. His strikingly good looks and boyish grin charmed her. She was instantly attracted to him. She knew it was love at sight. And she did not try to hide it. Sparks flew, cupid struck, they were in love.
Second entry: He asked her to marry him
Soon they moved in together. Life seemed perfect with him. One sunny Sunday morning, he asked her to marry him. She had seen this coming and feared it as much. She had goose bumps on her hands. Her intent gaze had earnestness of telling him her dilemma. He thought she was overwhelmed. But as the deafening silence in the room grew louder, he sensed something was amiss. She felt hopeless. She didn’t know how to tell him she loved him but the thought of taking the relationship ahead scared her? All she did that day was walk away from him, walk away from the relationship that meant the world to her. It was over.
Third entry: Thoughts. Thought. Thoughts
She failed to understand why she could not say yes to him. Yes was a simple word. He was all she wanted. Still, she could not make the promise. It was her not him. It was her inherent fear to commit to anything and everything. Thus read the excerpts from the diary of a commitment-phobic 20-something woman.
It is everyone’s story
Many of us can attest to having been in situations akin to this. We can’t commit ourselves to the very relationships we want. Why is it so? Is it the nature of commitment? Do we feel trapped? Do we even understand what commitment really is?
Commitment is an action. It is sticking to a promise no matter how discouraging things seem. There might be a 1000 reasons to not pursue a particular relationship or venture, but you still do it for the one reason you are there in the first place. It is like being left in a dark room and being asked to find the way to the door. No matter what, you will find your way to the door.
Not being here nor there, and not knowing where to go. This is fear of commitment.