five love languages

Show you care: All you need to know about the five love languages

The language of love is a powerful tool for communication and understanding between couples. Knowing which love language you and your partner speak can help you to connect in more profound ways.

So, you have been in a committed relationship or a marriage for a long time. You’ve experienced your rom-com firsts – the first kiss, lovely memorable dates and movie nights and survived the first fight or possibly, the hundredth. You may now be at your romantic movie’s climactic end scene and sadly, the end credits are rolling. In other words, you are back to reality; working late, waking up early, doing the dishes and running errands just like every other couple is in their everyday lives. So the question is, when a romantic movie turns into real life, how do you keep the romance alive and express your love better?

Do you ever feel that no matter how much effort you put into expressing your love, something is still amiss? Perhaps understanding what the five love languages are and speaking them can help. We all have different ways of expressing our love and feeling loved. Understanding the five love languages can help us to learn to give and receive love meaningfully.

By showing care and concern for our loved ones, we can build strong, positive relationships and strengthen bonds. Showing love and care makes people feel cared for and appreciated, boosting their self-esteem and overall mental and emotional wellbeing. It can also reduce feelings of anxiety, depression and loneliness.

In his book The Five Love Languages: How to Express Heartfelt Commitment to Your Mate, Dr Gary Chapman explains what love language means and lists five ways romantic partners can show care, express and experience love. He suggests that different types of love languages, such as quality time, warm embraces, gifts, acts of kindness and words of affirmation can strengthen connections and help experience joy and harmony in relationships.

Soulveda describes each of the five love languages to help you express your gratitude and care for your beloved better.

Quality time

Dr Chapman is clear in his book – he is not referring to binge-watching TV together when he talks about spending time with each other. Instead, he is referring to sentimental quality time, spending your valuable time together while gazing into each other’s eyes and pondering the cosmos. This love language means that you are providing your partner with complete and undivided attention.

Spending quality time with your partner your partner will make them feel loved and cared for. Active listening, eye contact and providing attention are hallmarks of a healthy, loving relationship. This love language is about giving attention without distractions like the television and mobile phones. Everyone desires this in their relationship and showing a strong desire to spend time with your loved one and having meaningful conversations strengthen one’s bond. If you want to feel loved this way regularly, quality time can be your love language.

Warm embrace

When you see a baby wrapped in his mother’s arms, you might assume that physical contact is every person’s first love language. One of the points made by Dr Chapman in his book is how infants react to physical contact. Parents are advised to touch their infants to aid healing and growth. According to researchers, children whose parents embrace and kiss them are known to grow into adults with healthier emotional lives. Expressing your care through physical touch can serve as a robust emotional connector. Physical touch can be anything from patting your partner on her back or sharing a warm embrace at the end of a hard day at work. Hugs are incredibly powerful and can be comforting during uncertain times.

When you use a warm embrace as a love language, your dear one feels loved and cared for. If hand-holding, putting your arms around your partner and sexual activity makes you feel most loved, physical touch is your love language.


Gifts are definitely a love language. Dr Chapman calls gifts visual symbols of love. According to him, gifts are never about materialism but are actually symbolic thoughts behind the item. Gifts can be anything from your partner’s favourite book or candy that your husband loved having during his childhood and hasn’t had since. Gifting this candy along with a simple note would make him feel blessed and loved.

If your partner’s love language is receiving gifts, know it is not at all about the price or the item. It is more about showing the thought behind it and helping them see that you listen and care for them.

Acts of kindness

A simple act of kindness can make the world a better place. Acts of kindness can help boost confidence and increase happiness. Acts of service can express the  extent of your love and this is a love language that can be missed by most of us. Whether it is putting clothes in the washing machine without being asked or doing the dishes after a house party; it is acts like these that do not go unnoticed by your partner. The idea here is that these things become acts of service when you go out of your way to do them for your partner.

If you feel loved when your partner shares your workload and expresses their love through acts of kindness, such as making soup when you’re sick, collecting dry cleaning or making coffee, acts of service may be your love language.

Words of affirmation

There is a famous quote by Mark Twain “I can live for two months on a good compliment.” Affirmations are indeed very powerful tools that help you stay motivated, remove negative thoughts, help concentrate on your goals and encourage positive thinking. By using words of affirmation as a love language, one can make their partners value themselves and feel loved.

It is crucial that your words of affirmation are genuine. Don’t compliment them just for the heck of it. Neither do you need to be a Byron when it comes to professing your love. Be you, be honest. Many couples find success by using their respective love language as hypothesized by Dr Chapman. One may also employ these ideas in non-romantic interactions. No matter how you use it, the idea is to be a person who is genuine and finds their relationships worthy of working hard for.




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