How to get over someone

Still texting your ex? Here’s how to move on after a long-term relationship ends

However devastated you may feel after the end of a long-term relationship, there’s always a way to get better, feel better and move on.
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How to get over someone is something most of us have wondered, at least once in our lives. Well, it’s not easy. You remain curled up in bed all day long. Even the thought of watching your favourite movie or a steaming cup of hot chocolate fails to lift your spirits. While your mind wreaks havoc by bringing back memories of the many years spent with your ex, all you are left with is self-pity, anger and hopelessness. Your heart refuses to concede defeat and move on, even though your mind knows that ‘it’s over’.

The end of a long-term relationship can be a devastating experience. Your world will be on the brink of falling apart, and you waste all your energy and focus on reminiscing about old memories. You may become too paralysed by grief and self-pity to even find the motivation to get out of bed, let alone carry on with your regular life. Dissociating yourself from the person who has been a part of your life for a long time is not an easy process. A breakup after a long-term relationship can completely throw you off track, rob you of your sleep, energy, appetite, and your overall physical and emotional wellbeing.

No matter how distressing it may feel when your relationship falls apart and can in no way be restored, moving on is the only way forward. However, it is a difficult process, and it’s okay to take the time to heal. But what’s not okay is to remain in the victim mode perpetually and refuse to let go.

However vulnerable and heartbroken you may feel after a breakup, there is always a way to get over someone and feel like your old self again. Here are a few ways to ease post-breakup trauma after the end of a long-term relationship and start over.

Accept the truth

Moving on from a long-term relationship is painful. But what causes more pain is to live in denial. The truth is, your mind often refuses to accept that the relationship is over, mostly because you think there is still some hope left of getting back together. But when a relationship ends, you need to calmly analyse why it ended, and remind yourself of all the reasons why it can never go back to being the same. The more you wonder about how to get over someone and delay accepting the truth, the more you keep yourself from moving on.

Eliminate negative thoughts

When the person you had envisioned a future with suddenly walks out of your life, you can’t help but hold yourself partly responsible for it. Your mind becomes a breeding ground for negativity, and you turn into your worst enemy. The bad news is, being plagued by negative thoughts after the end of a relationship is inevitable. The good news is, you still have the power to change how you feel and bring yourself out of such thoughts. Instead of letting them overwhelm you, think of thoughts that inspire and encourage you. Remind yourself of who you truly are and what you are capable of. Even though sometimes you can’t control your thoughts, you can definitely have sway over what you choose to dwell on.

Confide in your friends and loved ones

Shutting the door on a relationship can get more stressful if you’re left to heal alone. Breakups can trigger several negative emotions, and this emotional stress can lead to physical and mental health issues such as broken heart syndrome. During such times, it may feel natural to turn into a recluse and avoid social interactions. However, sharing your feelings with family and friends can be a healthy step to recovery. The support, comfort and care you receive can be a great source of encouragement. Allow yourself to open up to loved ones, talk about your grief and cry your heart out if you need to. You might surprise yourself with how much lighter you feel afterwards.

Take a break from social media

Although it might be tempting to stalk your former partner on social media, doing so will only add to your distress. It could start with something as innocent as ‘checking up on them’, or scrolling through their feed. Although this might not seem problematic at first, the urge to stay updated on their lives or get in touch with them can create a hurdle on your path to recovery. When you are trying to move on from your relationship, it is extremely important to cut off all ties with your ex, including social media. When the relationship is over, any form of association or connection will only prolong your grief and will keep you from moving on.

Practice self-love

When trying to move on from a relationship, it is easy to wallow in self-pity. The end of a relationship can trigger self-doubt and self-loathing when you hold yourself responsible for it. Breakups are a part of life, but when you sever ties with the person you had planned to build a future with, you tend to take the loss more personally. That’s why practicing self-love is one of the most important steps in the healing process. Treat your failed relationship as an opportunity to fall in love with yourself again. Get up and get busy doing something that makes you happy. Be it an old hobby or a new skill or just simply taking a walk outside, do all the things that bring a smile to your face. Start focusing on your happiness.

Go on a solo trip

The end of a long-term relationship leaves behind a trail of heavy emotional baggage. But the excitement of travel can keep you from sinking deeper into sadness, and also give you a chance to heal. When planning your trip, seek out a new place that can offer a complete change of scene and environment for you. Solo trips can make you feel rejuvenated and empowered after a breakup. You not only build new memories but also become self-dependent, which brings you closer to yourself.

Plan for the future

When a long-term relationship ends, it’s easy to remain stuck in the past. As you replay all the moments you spent with your partner, the thought of a future without them feels daunting. But the healing starts with action. Stop thinking about how to get over someone. Allow yourself the time to grieve, but also realise that in order to move on, you need to gain closure and start looking forward to the future. Chalk out your goals and create a step-by-step process of reaching them. When you start focusing on yourself and your future, thoughts about your past will slowly start receding and gradually fade away.

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